Sure, let me spin this out for you in a bit of a wild, human-ish whirlwind.
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So, there I was, all set to dive into La Quimera on April 25, right? But then boom, the big day rolls around and—POOF—it’s delayed. Classic move. By April 29, they’re all like, “Hey, it’s coming in Early Access.” Cool, cool. At least nothing changed from what I played, so here we go.
You ever just have a thing for those cheesy direct-to-video sequels? Like, five Tremors movies in and you’re just there for the ridiculousness. La Quimera? Yup, reminds me of those brainless flicks. It looks meh, the story is a trainwreck, the acting’s all over the place. It’s like, “Hello, Tremors 5: Bloodlines!” Only you’re playing it. Bring a friend, laugh at it, I say.
So, somewhere in fictional Nuevo Caracas (nice name, huh?), everything’s in apocalypse mode. Robots causing chaos outside, and inside, it’s corporations duking it out. Dystopian madness—like we need more of that, right? Anyway, you’re just a newbie in this PMC, smacked in the middle. The whole setup gives off these 80s vibes, straight outta Aliens.
But wow, there’s this Bone Wall. A literal mountain of skeletons. Yeah, kinda morbid but fascinating. Some voice yapping about people building it while the world went crazy. And I’m like, “Whoa.” No time to help people hitting the ground.
Now, where it goes sideways is when anyone starts talking. Seriously, the dialogue is painful. It’s like Tarantino wannabe trash talk, but it just bombs. And seriously, some acting had me cringing hard. Like, robot dogs? Really?
So, there’s this nonsensical story—or lack thereof. Save a billionaire’s kid, now you’re PMC-bound. Because lawsuits, maybe? And everyone’s getting these killer augmentations. Sure, why not? But the story just kinda stops. I get it, the devs from Kyiv are in a tough spot, so props to them for even getting it out there. But yeah, the story’s a mess.
Title time! “Identity Crysis.” Wink-wink to Crysis, obviously. Got these exosuits with cool tech—energy armor, cloak, scans. Pretty neat for picking off those sneaky enemies—zap-zap! But straight lines all the way. A bit of a throwback, but man, does it blend into a blur fast.
Gun game’s basic. Choose a sidearm, shotgun, or rifle. No mid-mission switch-ups, which bums me. Bullets can get scarce—keeps you on your toes, scrounging around like a scavenger or something.
They pay you for missions—surprise! But it’s all half-baked and meh progression. Few guns, lame upgrades. Like, barely worth your coins. Your digital wallet fills up super fast—like, talk about first-world problems in a game.
For all its flaws, I still had a quirky fun time. Why? Two words: online co-op. Grab some pals, and the cringe turns into comic gold. Plus, running around with friends covers up for the game’s slowness.
La Quimera’s super short—about four hours—which is either a blessing or a curse depending on your time-value metric. It’s a hoot with buddies, laughing at its nonsense, and bailing before the bad outweighs the good. But it needs beefing up to keep folks in Nuevo Caracas any longer. Anyway—wait, where was I?
Oh, right, enjoy the madness if you dare to hop in.
