Alright, here we go. Stream of consciousness, unfiltered thoughts incoming:
So, there’s this game — Cat From Hell – Cat Simulator. Ever heard of it? No? Well, you’re not missing much. It’s supposed to be this wild ride, right? Christmas antics, cats going rogue, and some holiday tunes to keep you entertained. You’d think it’s a barrel of laughs, but it’s more of a flop. Honestly, it feels like a promise that never got delivered. Anyway, let’s dive into this mess.
Picture it: you’re a crashy, sneaky cat — breaking stuff in grandma’s house. Smash those vases, tear up the curtains, go nuts! I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a cat? Eating fish from the tank, making messes. But here’s where it gets weird — the execution. Or lack thereof.
First off, the whole thing kicks off on Christmas. Santa, bless his heart, drops a cat — that’s you — into a house. And, spoiler alert, there’s already a cat there. Cue chaos. Your furry nemesis makes you the scapegoat, so naturally, your goal? Revenge. Typical plot twist, right? But hold your horses — if grandma spots you causing trouble, it’s all over. But it doesn’t quite work. Like, at all.
Imagine this: each time you knock something over, Christmas bells chime. Grandma rushes in, but half the time, everyone just gets stuck. No kidding, Grandma walks straight into a chair like it doesn’t exist, and you’re stuck there watching. Strategy? More like a guessing game. Hoping that somehow the game’s judgment will side with you when you’re pretty sure it won’t.
Oh, and then there’s this moment — my favorite — where the other cat just glitched into a couch. Grandma’s all “It must be you, fluffy jam!” Meanwhile, I’m just shaking my head, ‘cause c’mon, what even is this game logic?
Visually, wow. It’s like it’s straight out of an early 2000s bargain bin. The PlayStation 2 vibes are real. The paw animations? Super awkward. And Grandma’s voice lines sound like they’ve been recorded on a potato. Seriously. They even left out a Platinum trophy. I mean, isn’t that a missed opportunity? Some might say it’s a mystery, or maybe just a bad call.
And Sandbox Mode? Yeah, they thought that could redeem it. You’re left to wander alone with grandma, doing what? I don’t even know.
For $4.99, you’d expect a functioning game, right? But no dice. It’s like they gave up halfway through. The thrill of trying to frame the other cat just fades when systems keep breaking. So, you’re stuck in the chaos, watching it unravel, silently asking why you’re still playing. Even the trophy hunters might just throw in the towel.
Bottom line? Skip it. And that PS5? It deserves better. You heard it here first.
Okay, disclaimer time: guess what, this review comes from my experience playing on a PlayStation copy that Upscale Studios kindly provided.
