The Shire Chronicles: A Hobbit’s Essential Guide to Settling in Bywater

Okay, so, there I was, staring out at the pies cooling on the windowsill. Seriously, who even does that anymore? But hey, if you’re a Hobbit in “Tales of the Shire,” launching July 29 on Xbox Series X|S, then it’s just another day in Bywater.

You’re thrust into this world plucked right out of Tolkien’s brain, right? It’s nestled between those big Middle-earth epics. Forget battles, think more like… chill vibes and maybe a tad nostalgic? You show up in town carted by some grey-bearded dude — every Hobbit’s dream, probably? Starting fresh can be weird, I know. But lucky you, I’ve got some tips to fit right in.

First thing’s first, your Hobbit-hole. Yeah, not exactly move-in ready. Grandma or somebody walled up a bunch of rooms because, well, upkeep is hard as you age. You’ll warm up to Bywater folk, open up more spaces, and who knows, maybe you’ll find a secret garden or two. Maybe you love books? Set up your own library room — sounds idyllic, right? Decoration Mode lets you place things wherever, no grid bossing you around.

Now the garden. Oh, the garden. Fully customizable, like an outdoor sandbox for grown-ups. Plant whatever from veggies to spices. Rainy days give your watering can a break, thank goodness. You can scatter your indoor stuff outside too, not that it’ll grow there — but hey, fancy a daybed under the open sky? Why not.

Got a hankering for local market bustle? Bywater’s the spot. Wander through stalls that peddle handcrafted things — trinkets galore. They even have mathoms, a Hobbit word for “stuff you can’t bear to part with.” Nice, right? Trade some homegrown goods for funky spices. Or catch one of Tom Cotton’s legendary family stews at their stall.

Venturing outside town, the forests and fields spill over with wild delights — if you’re willing to forage a bit. Just-ripe peaches, chanterelles hiding in the underbrush. Berries practically leaping into your basket for a summer tart. And there’s Delphinium Brandybuck, the herbalist wonder. She might guide you to hidden treasures masked by the flit of butterflies.

Water’s edge calls, too. For fishing, I mean. But hey, you need to peg Old Noakes for the good, super-secret spots. He’s a bit of a grumpy ol’ bugger — sorry, not sorry — but whatever, you’ll wrangle him. Once you do, reeling in catch from secret nooks is all the rage.

Now, let’s talk those mealtime invites. Hobbits love stuffing, or stuffing Hobbits? A bit of both, perhaps. Start cooking with just a few stations, get a hang of the taste combos: sweet, sour, spicy. It’s like a culinary puzzle. Feed your neighbors, score presents. Hobbits are nice like that, generosity all around.

There’s more, oh boy, there’s always more. Bywater’s tiny community is about to be your comfort zone. Every day unveils the wonders of The Shire. July 29’s the date. Bring your own mug, ’cause our kettle’s forever ready.